Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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