Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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