I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
