you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Its about making memories worth repressing
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
