I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
