I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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