i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
