do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize