Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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