I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
