I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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