1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
