Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize