and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
ok first of all what the fuck
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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