I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
