can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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