Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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