just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
