I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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