Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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