batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
