I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
