Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
