I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
