I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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