my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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