dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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