Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
