Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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