That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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