I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
