We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
