On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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