Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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