you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
