wat bout pragnant strippers??
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
