That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
