Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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