No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize