Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
