I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
