Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
