i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Green mimosas i think yes
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
