I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
