Got a toothbrush?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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