you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
