God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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