I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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