mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
