when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
