remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
