So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
