I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
