I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize