Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
