CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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