Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
