OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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