ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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