He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
