she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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