it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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