Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
