i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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