I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Buhtt sex?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
