You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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