she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
