When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
