how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
