your parents love me but you hate me
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
