did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
