Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
