Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
