Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
