Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
