he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
