I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
