Will you blow on my dice?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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