i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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