this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
