We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This is my gift to your gina
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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