she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
