4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Green mimosas i think yes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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