I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
