At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
