this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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