Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize