I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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