I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize