I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
