Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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