there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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