just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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